Pro-Lifers: Keep Our Names Out of Your Mouths
An adoptee tells you why adoption is not as sound an argument as you think it is.
As a part of the adoptee community, I have always felt severely unheard. Adoptive parents (or “AP” as it can be referred to in our communities) are the ones who have a majority of the voice for their children when it comes to personal stories. But with the tragic overturning of Roe V Wade, we’ve been used as a talking point by pro-life advocates as a solution for those unwanted pregnancies.
We are used to these words, like “unwanted” and “forgotten” being thrown around about us and to be fair, I can’t just say this insensitivity is only applicable by the pro-life side. While drowning in the downfall of a progressive society on social media, I stumbled upon many pro-choice posts that used “unwanted babies” in their goal to talk about this devastating overturning. It should be noted that I think even pro-choice advocates need to reevaluate how they are referring to this community.
The adoptee experience is a difficult one that can range between different groups of adoptees. I personally am in a somewhat niche sector of adoptees. I was adopted from Asia and brought to another country by parents of another race (transracial, transnational, Asian adoptee). Even though I may not face the same exact circumstances adoption-wise as someone who, let’s say, was an intrastate adoption (an adoption that takes place without crossing state borders), we still can share many opinions and feelings that the unique process of adoption brings.
Adoption is almost never perfect and is always traumatic
When we’re used in arguments about abortion, it is ignorant, harmful, and deadly. The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that adoptees are 4 times more likely to commit suicide along with other mental health related issues. We will be seeing an increase of children in foster care. This is, to put it mildly, an imperfect system that’s seen corruption and greed streaking its surface many times. It is not prepared for the influx it’s going to be seeing within the next couple of years after this decision, and it is going to stretch its already thin resources.
It is a reason many (and especially adoptees) have a hard time believing that these lawmakers actually care about the life of children. The systems in which these children are going to be forced in, even disregarding the new overpopulation problem they will have within the foster care system, are not where they need to be. What will you do with all these children? Who is actually going to take care of them? Where is the money going to come from to properly fund these systems? How can we prevent abuse and corruption for these orphaned children?
These questions are not being answered by the politicians who enacted these restrictions.
The problem is, there are not going to be enough families for some of these children, because the resources will be stretched too thin. They will fall through the systems gaping cracks until they age out of the system, never having a familial figure that was there to support them. Even if some of these children are adopted, they will be subjected to the same trauma faced by all adoptees.
Some may still be out there saying, “Okay well, it’s better than being murdered before you even have a voice or a say.” To that, I respond with (and I’m not speaking for all adoptees here) how would I even know? I wouldn’t be sentient enough to care if my mother had decided instead to abort me. While I’m glad I am alive NOW, I wouldn’t have known then. Pro-life advocates want to scream murder like it’s a black and white concept when in reality we know it’s not. If someone is not ready to care for that life and/or guarantee it’s going to be safe, cared for and loved by a reliable person, it’s their decision to decide. Unless these lawmakers and pro-life advocates are going to come in and provide all of this for these children, I don’t want to hear about your adoptee talking points.
I want to provide a voice for the many of us in my community who are unheard by the masses. Maybe some of my fellow adoptees won’t agree but I question those within my community who don’t think about the others who weren’t adopted. The many who were pushed and pulled into multiple foster care homes or grew out of it altogether. Is our system ready for the end of Roe V Wade?
